This isn't intended as a whinge, just the truth: I've been too demoralized to hang out on dA much. I appreciate every single response more than I can ever say -- and will indeed be answering; it just may take some time.
Please don't feel as if your kind words fell on deaf ears. I'm just incredibly stressed and not feeling all that well right now. Your support means tons. Please know that.
I went to a writers' conference on Friday. 14,000 people from all over the country (if not from further afield), all of them who consider themselves writers. There is just no way that 14,000 people don't include a large portion of wannabes.
I felt really good about myself at the time because I felt as if I was taking the writing craft "seriously." And that has to be a good thing. Right?
Last night, upset about something else entirely, I crashed and burned. Actually, first, having had a certain amount of hard cider, I submitted to an electronic journal that takes itself seriously -- and that appealed to me -- but has all of 500 Facebook "Likes." You can get more readers on dA, and yet these journals seem more legitimate, like you're someone if they accept you. And I want so much to be "accepted."
I feel like a fraud. I take myself too seriously, as far as my writing; I don't publish; I want to be known locally but don't want to do the requisite shmoozing that it would take to achieve that. Though it seems like a closed clique no matter how much you shmooze, but that's another issue.
I'm the writer who doesn't write (but whines a lot). I'm the person who studies the "craft" of writing -- but that doesn't elevate me. I'm one of 13,500 people at a conference of 14,000 that really isn't going anywhere with their writing but doesn't want to face up to it. The difference between me and them is that at least they had fun hanging out with all their writing buddies -- and I was gratified when the one person I knew there smiled at me as if we shared a private joke.